Top tips on how to be a Skyrim guard

Ever thought about what it takes to be a guard of one of the many holds in Skyrim? Here’s some tips on how to become the best guard out there.

  1. Establish your authority by telling passers by “Disrespect the law, and you disrespect me.”
  2. It is perfectly legal for people to look in other peoples pockets as long as the DON’T take anything.
  3. Whenever you can, mock newcomers with the fact someone may have stole their sweetroll.
  4. Remind everyone who isn’t a fellow Nord to keep out of trouble.
  5. Complain loudly and often, that whilst your cousin is out fighting dragons, you’re stuck here on guard duty.
  6. Remind everyone “No lollygaggin'”.
  7. ALWAYS comment on the newcomers appearance.
  8. Be sure to comment on any heavy armour, or weapons you have NO experience in wearing/wielding
  9. Remind everyone you would be a lot warmer and happier with a belly full of mead.
  10. And most importantly When your hold is under attack by lets say a dragon, be sure to focus ALL your attention on the person dressed in full Daedric armour; who may or may not have stolen a cup from the local tavern.

So do you have what it takes to be a Skyrim guard? Let me know. Please send all applications to the Jarl’s steward of your local hold.

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