Ever thought about what it takes to be a guard of one of the many holds in Skyrim? Here’s some tips on how to become the best guard out there.
- Establish your authority by telling passers by “Disrespect the law, and you disrespect me.”
- It is perfectly legal for people to look in other peoples pockets as long as the DON’T take anything.
- Whenever you can, mock newcomers with the fact someone may have stole their sweetroll.
- Remind everyone who isn’t a fellow Nord to keep out of trouble.
- Complain loudly and often, that whilst your cousin is out fighting dragons, you’re stuck here on guard duty.
- Remind everyone “No lollygaggin'”.
- ALWAYS comment on the newcomers appearance.
- Be sure to comment on any heavy armour, or weapons you have NO experience in wearing/wielding
- Remind everyone you would be a lot warmer and happier with a belly full of mead.
- And most importantly When your hold is under attack by lets say a dragon, be sure to focus ALL your attention on the person dressed in full Daedric armour; who may or may not have stolen a cup from the local tavern.
So do you have what it takes to be a Skyrim guard? Let me know. Please send all applications to the Jarl’s steward of your local hold.