It has been a while and again I apologize for my absence as of late. I am planning a new gaming related blog post soon but there are some things I need to do first (like get to the part of the game I need to be to write it). For now though something a little different.
My blog, as you know is for my gaming experiences and along the lines of the gaming genre. Today though I am going to touch on something a little more personal, and I think some of you may read this and think “That’s so me!” or maybe some will read this and think “Oh wow!” Either way I don’t mind.
I have never been what you call “popular”, I was a bit of a loner at school and only had a very select few friends. College gave me a new lease of life and I made more friends as I went along. Motherhood came with it’s own friendship challenges and those whom whilst I was pregnant stated “I’ll babysit whenever you want” vanished. However I still maintained certain friendships with people and kept contact via Phone, text and the internet. I have always been the person people call to talk to because they needed someone, which is fine. I personally feel that is what friendship is for among other things. I also feel this should be a two-way thing as with anything in life.
Recently I have been starting to distance myself and cut people out of my life. I do this because I realized I needed to for MY benefit. Well I say cut out, I have left the door open but hardly any of my “friends” contact me first unless they NEED something. This is my issue. All these years I have spent being there, being an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on, then seeing these same people who asked me for advice, then completely ignore it and come running back again because things haven’t changed. Yet when I am in need no-one is available. And you know what? I’m tired.
My personal energies are going through a shift right now because i’m trying for once to do what is best for me. I finally realized I need to focus more energy on myself. If I loved myself as much as I loved my “friends” I probably wouldn’t be in as much stress mentally as I am. Sure it must be nice having that mate you can call everyday and off load but you know what? That’s also enough time for a bubble bath and a book.
When I get home from work and do the “Mum” bit then try to relax after DD is in bed i’m shattered. I have hardly any focus or mental strength left and I just want to flop. Some days I don’t even have any energy to play games, I am aware that this is also due to my mental health but this is exactly what I mean. I need to love myself more.
Not including my work colleagues there are about 4 people I talk to every week. My DD, My mum, my other half and our gaming buddy. That is literally it, and to be honest at this moment in time that’s all I can handle. These are relationships I know I CAN trust. Not some “friend” who is going to just ghost me any minute because I am no longer convenient. I am no longer an option.
I’m of course not saying everyone should “dump” their mates, this is just what I am going through personally. I am hoping that once I have myself back in order I can go on and be more motivated and post more on here, play more games, make new friends whether it is IRL or online. I just don’t want to end up wasting valuable energy anymore. I’m getting too old for that.
Anyway time for me to do my mum stuff. As always take care
P.S. I’m hoping to do my next blog next week on my experience with Stardew Valley multiplayer, but you can check out my original review on the PS here. Hope to see you soon xxx